I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
