I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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