i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
