We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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