I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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