i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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