Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
