He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
