He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
