Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I want to fling myself into the sun
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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