His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
