just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
