I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
