I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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