the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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