I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
