made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
