my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
