One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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