sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
