You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
where does the pee come out of this thing
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
