She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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