turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
