I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
