Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize