I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
