i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
