Are we in a gay sports bar?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
