Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
