I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
