Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
