well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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