I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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