Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
