she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
