I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
