Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
a search helicopter?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
