Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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