and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
