did you get engaged???
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
