i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
