I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
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Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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