i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
