my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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