just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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