I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
