Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
