Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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