I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
