Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
