"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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