Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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