You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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