Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
