Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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