omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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