I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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