Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
