tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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