god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
