Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
