Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
