I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
