These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
