naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
