My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
