Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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