ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
