Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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