Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
