Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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