Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
