Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
