I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
