I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
