Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
