yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
