wanna go halves on a baby?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
