Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
