So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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