i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
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oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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