My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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