Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
