My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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