Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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