I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
