Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
